Geçen yıllarda bir erkek arkadaşım bana bir adam tarafından taciz edildiğini anlatmıştı… Kimseye söyleme diyerek… Anlattığı tek kişiydim ben. Ne söyleyeceğimi bilememiştim. Onun adına canım yanmıştı. Onur kırıcıydı… Kimseye anlatamıyordu.. Kafanızdan atmak istediğiniz bir anının kabuslarda kılıktan kılığa karşınıza çıkmasından başka bir şey değildir bu.
Diğer yandan dişi cinsiyetliler için çok olağanüstü sayılacak bir durum değil. Sokakta yürürken rahat olmak isterdim; güvende hissetmek.. Ama asla saygı duyulmamış, kendine güveni, saygısı olmayan insanlardan, sersemlemiş halde yaşamını sürdürmek için ne olursa olsun bir neden arayan insanlardan… Ya da hasta insanlardan . . Size saygı duymasını bekleyemezsiniz tabi. Hayalperestlik olur bu. Ama düşünmekten alamıyorum bazen kendimi.. Anneleri, kardeşleri, eşleri, kızları yok mu bu insanların?.. İnsanlık böyle düşmemeli…
Kadınlar Günü diye bir şeyin olması hep bir parça hüzünlü gelmiştir bana. Böyle bir gün olmak zorunda olduğu için bir parça hüzünlü…
Ama kimsenin hüzne yenik düşeceği yok. Bu mağdur olanın değil, edenin ayıbıdır ve ses çıkarmaktan korkmamalı. . .
Aşık olduğum kadınlardan biri… Tori Amos… Sanatçı ismini gerçekten hak eden ender insanlardan olduğunu düşünürüm. Türkiye’nin sorunları hakkında konuşabilirsiniz kendisiyle.. Yaşadığı gezegenden kopmuş biri değildir. Pandora’nın akvaryumu, fırıncı ve Anastasia’yla ilgili size anlatacağı dopdolu hikayeleri var.. Piyanosunu tıngırdatırken aşkı size bir kez daha özetler. O ne kadar paylaşma lütfunu gösterdiyse de bendeki kutsallığı nedeniyle mahremiyetine fazla girmek istemiyorum..
"i don't talk about the details because i can't, but it's freeing to sing that song (me and a gun). i have to go in a trance to sing it. ... it gets exhausting singing it. but there's so much going on that nobody talks about, and i just found that out with myself after so many years of not talking."
(-- tori; the washington post, march 22, 1992)
"i'll never talk about it at this level again, but let me ask you. why have i survived that kind of night, when other women didn't? how am i alive to tell you this tale when he was ready to slice me up? in the song i say it was me and a gun but it wasn't a gun. it was a knife he had. and the idea was to take me to his friends and cut me up, and he kept telling me that, for hours. and if he hadn't needed more drugs i would have been just one more news report, where you see the parents grieving for their daughter. and i was singing hymns, as i say in the song, because he told me to. i sang to stay alive. yet i survived that torture, which left me urinating all over myself and left me paralyzed for years. that's what that night was all about, mutilation, more than violence through sex. i really do feel as though i was psychologically mutilated that night and that now i'm trying to put the pieces back together again. through love, not hatred. and through my music. my strength has been to open again, to life, and my victory is the fact that, despite it all, i kept alive my vulnerability."
"i wrote it after i saw thelma and louise and that had, humm, i had to let out all that incredible hurt and anger. the anger came. the song was written in the afternoon that i had seen thelma and louise and completed. it it had always been a capella. and when i started writing it, it was as if the blinded was on. i knew exactly what i wanted to say. i mean, i was almost in a trace writing that song. i was back there in that experience, and yet, another part of me was guiding it on. i felt like i was protected writing it, when it was over, when i had looked at what i had written. and the hardest part is performing it every night because, although i know i'm safe, a part of me has to go to that place to sing it. and what this whole process has taught me is, i'm not a victim. although when i go in and sing it every night, there's a certain energy i bring to make it very real and then after the performance is over i can go and have an ice cream and have a life and say, 'this is over. i can talk about it and i have love in my life.' and it's really important to get to that stage." (((http://sozluk.sourtimes.org/show.asp?t=me%20and%20a%20gun)))
5am
Friday morning
Thursday night
Far from sleep
I'm still up and driving
Can't go home
obviously
So I'll just change direction
Cause they'll soon konw where I live
And I wanna live
Got a full tank and some chips
It was me and a gun
And a man on my back
And I sang "holy holy" as he buttoned down his pants
You can laugh
It's kind of funny things you think
at times like these
Like I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this
Yes I wore a slinky red thing
Does that mean I should spread
For you, your friends your father, Mr. Ed
Me and a gun
and a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this
And I know what this means
Me and Jesus a few years back
Used to hang and he said
"It's your choice babe just remember
I don't think you'll be back in 3 days time
So you choose well"
Tell me what's right
Is it my right to be on my stomach
of Fred's Seville
Me and a gun
and a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this
And do you know Carolina
Where the biscuits are soft and sweet
These things go through you head
When there's a man on your back
And you're pushed flat on your stomach
It's not a classic cadillac
Me and a gun
and a man
On my back
But I haven't seen Barbados
So I must get out of this
Me and a Gun şarkının ismi… Dinlediğinizde anlayacaksınız.. Yorum yapamıyorum.. Sadece.. İyi ki var Tori ve iyi ki var böyle insanlar…
Sarışın bir kurt, mavi gözleri çakmak çakmak adam sayesinde burada bir şeyler söyleyebilmekten mutluyum… Teşekkür ederim.
Kadınlar ve erkekler için de ... Günümüzün mutlu geçmiş olması düşüncesiyle..
